Alone With You: The Broken Trust Series #1 Read online

  Alone with you

  C.N. Marie

  Contents

  Acknowledgments

  Prologue

  1. Harlow

  2. Elijah

  3. Harlow

  4. Elijah

  5. Harlow

  6. Elijah

  7. Harlow

  8. Elijah

  9. Harlow

  10. Elijah

  11. Harlow

  12. Elijah

  13. Harlow

  14. Elijah

  15. Harlow

  16. Elijah

  17. Harlow

  18. Elijah

  19. Harlow

  20. Elijah

  21. Harlow

  22. Elijah

  23. Harlow

  24. Elijah

  25. Harlow

  26. Elijah

  27. Harlow

  28. Elijah

  29. Harlow

  30. Elijah

  31. Harlow

  32. Elijah

  33. Harlow

  34. Elijah

  35. Harlow

  36. Elijah

  37. Harlow

  38. Elijah

  39. Harlow

  40. Elijah

  41. Harlow

  42. Elijah

  43. Harlow

  44. Elijah

  45. Harlow

  46. Elijah

  47. Harlow

  48. Johnny

  49. Elijah

  Epilogue

  Bonus Chapter

  Prologue from Torn in Two

  About C.N. Marie

  Also by C.N. Marie

  Copyright © 2021 C.N. Marie

  This book is a work of fiction, names of characters, some places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual events, places, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, or stored in a database in any form, without the prior permission of the publisher except in the instance of a short quote being used to enhance a written published review highlighting the book.

  This book shall not be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent.

  Published by C.N. Marie 2021

  Edited by Girls Heart Edits

  Proofread by Lizzie James at Phoenix Book Promos

  Formatted by Anna Edwards

  Cover Design by Francessca Wingfield at Francessca’s PR & Design

  All Rights Reserved

  Acknowledgments

  Where do I start? I manage to write a whole book, but an acknowledgment or blurb is somehow the hardest thing to construct.

  So, this is my first solo release… eek.

  Harlow and Elijah took me on a huge adventure, one that wouldn’t have existed without a helping hand at first. Lizzie James and Sienna Grant had a persuasive manner in that process. I have not only seen my confidence grow but my characters grew from strength to strength as a result. With the push in the right direction (or kick) these girls have unlocked areas of myself I didn’t even know existed. I seriously don’t know where I would’ve been without these two throughout the whole process.

  My author group and my friends for always supporting each other, not just me, along the way. Knowing that no matter the reason, they are only a message away if I may need them.

  My betas, and arc readers, these girls are amazing and have all took that initial jump into this crazy world with me. I am so grateful for each and every one of you for offering me that trust and support.

  My wonderful family, without them and the help they provide, I wouldn’t be here. To know that each word I write is supported by them means the world.

  Finally, my readers, the ones who have taken a chance on me. It means the world. I hope you love the extra at the end.

  All my love.

  Push through the tough times and live for the good, eventually all the hard work will make everything seem worthwhile.

  When the dreams you wished for each night become an everyday reality.

  Prologue

  Elijah

  3 years ago:

  “Fancy a game?” I ran up behind Johnny, pouncing on his shoulders and grabbing his attention.

  “Only if you’re grabbing the wings,” he joked at me, patting my shoulder back.

  “Why me?” I looked straight at him raising my brow.

  “Winner’s choice.” He laughed back cockily.

  “Always the optimist, hey?” I chuckled.

  “Nope, you’re rubbish at snooker. You only come for the escape,” he replied.

  “Too true. Maybe the company, too,” I said shrugging my shoulders.

  That earned me a man hug as we headed into the club and found our favourite spot between the television and the first free table. As we sat down with plans to blow off the steam of the last few days, Johnny’s mobile phone rang. He didn’t answer the call as it was an unknown number, but it didn’t seem to bother him. He sent me up to the bar insistent on his wings. I would make a mental note of the final score and if payback was due.

  A persistent ringing echoed in the air as I gritted my teeth wishing for the owner of the mobile phone to answer the damn thing but when it stopped it was followed by a commotion around the room. I wonder what’s going on. As I turned, Johnny dropped a couple snooker balls to the ground, as if in slow motion. With his phone in his hand and the sudden change in his expression I knew that the call was more important than we had first thought.

  “Johnny, wait up! What’s up?” I shouted across the noise.

  When he turned, his face was vacant, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. I knew that whatever it was, he was lost in what had been said to him and here wasn’t the place to tell me.

  Johnny grabbed his belongings and headed to the door, looking distraught. I reached for his shoulder, and he automatically grabbed mine back, gripping it as tightly as possible. As we stood outside, the fresh air hit, and his knees buckled as I turned him around and stopped him in his tracks.

  “Johnny, breathe,” I said calmly.

  His face was as white as a ghost.

  “Police…” He managed shakily.

  I wrapped my arm around him and hugged him, supporting him however I could. I had an undue sense of dread and it hit me that nothing would ever be the same again.

  The silence between us was eerie. I didn’t want to talk in case the words he said were ones that I couldn’t cope with. The minute I saw the family liaison officer and two police officers, I drew two different conclusions. Both of which I knew had the power to destroy the world as we knew it.

  The words ‘dead’, ‘car accident’ and his parents’ names hit my ears but the truth of them felt heavy, surreal. Paula and Trevor were young, only in their late forties. How could they leave us all behind?

  Harlow was at the forefront of my thoughts. She needed to know.

  I formulated a plan in my head. My only coping mechanism was going forward. I knew Johnny would want to tell her himself. I could read the emotion on his face as he tried to accept the news.

  The journey was a blur. We arrived at Harlow’s school, Newton Carr Academy. The headteacher went to escort Harlow from her class to see us. I remembered the time vividly as the clock hit two-fifteen pm.

  She walked through the door and looked between the two of us, unease on her face, unsure why we were there.

  By the way Johnny was looking at me, I saw the world he knew was crumbling before him. Despite his need to tell her himself, I knew I needed to take matters into my own hands.

  “Har… I need to talk to you.” I dropped down to my knees and grabbed
her hands in mine.

  Her eyes flitted across the room, trying to grab Johnny's attention, but he was lost in his own emotions.

  “Elijah, this is weird. What is it?” She dropped her hands from mine, looking directly at me.

  “There’s been an accident.” I held back my own emotions and focused on her. Roars were building inside me. “Your mama and dad,” I started. “I’m so sorry, Har…” I said softly.

  “Elijah, this isn’t funny. Johnny, tell them!” she screamed at him as the tears bubbled in her eyes with anger, but never spilled over upon catching her brother’s eye.

  I delivered the most devastating news any child could hear. I saw the moment I broke her heart.

  She lashed out, thinking it was all a sick joke until she saw the liaison officer. The harsh reality hit her hard as her eyes shuttered, hiding her emotions.

  Acceptance took time and the tears flowed between them both.

  I felt like the worst person in the world. For the first time in a long time, I felt left out. Almost like they had cast me away to one side from the unfolding situation. Their grief was shared privately between them in that moment and I knew I shouldn’t feel so useless, but the pain was just as devastating for me. Though I could never tell them that. I just had to deal with it in my own way.

  Alone.

  One

  Harlow

  When I turned twenty, I thought all my dreams had come true. The last five years had been a pretty rough ride at times. If I were truthful, I would have said Johnny had performed miracles to get me to adulthood in one piece. Not many people could’ve said they’d become a legal guardian of their little sister in their early twenties. Even with the age gap, it was a huge task to have expected him to have taken me on. It was one that many would’ve ran and hid from, but he didn’t. He stood proud.

  I wasn’t thrilled at the idea when it was first suggested, but what other options did I have? Newton Carr Academy and the picturesque coast were the two places I couldn’t leave behind. I wanted that stability it provided. At least Johnny offered me a solution moving forward with my life. I’d have been crazy to deny it. At fifteen, and as a minor, my options were limited. With the support of social services, it made sense. I kept what I knew without more disruption to my already fragile life. It didn’t mean though I was an angel, actually I was the total opposite. I was a total grade A bitch, battling my inner demons and grief before I let my brother deal with the aftermath.

  I struggled, fighting all of the jumbled emotions threatening to escape through any means necessary. With the next explosion imminent, I battled to contain the fury in myself as Johnny just wished there was a way he could help me but he couldn’t; no one could. Add in a healthy amount of teenage hormones and it was a recipe for disaster.

  It seemed worse when Johnny and Elijah never gave me the space I so desperately craved. They thought the best remedy was for me to have someone with me constantly.

  In hindsight, their theory was that if I never stopped to process all the information, then I wouldn’t have time to deal with the turmoil.

  In my mind, they were wrong. They weren’t living in my shoes. It meant the emotions plagued my night-time thoughts, which turned into nightmares and panic attacks leaving me totally exhausted.

  I struggled to decipher what was real life and what was a figment of my imagination. It left me with a fear of the dark and long-lasting nightmares. Something I couldn’t escape from in the depths of the night no matter what solutions I tried.

  Johnny had become my protector, ensuring I pushed to overcome my emotions. I did my best, but it wasn’t good enough. At least I’d learnt a way to manage them. I was embarrassed, but thankfully he promised to keep the nightmares between us. I was glad he respected my choice, even if he didn’t agree.

  The first few months I was rebellious. I had developed a necessity to act out; the complete opposite of what my parents saw in me. I knew if they could see me now, they would be disappointed in me as I pushed the limits of what they would have turned a blind eye to, but I couldn’t stop myself. I needed to breathe. Escape and be free.

  “Where are you going to?” Johnny shouted as I tried sneaking out of the house just after nine at night.

  “Out!” I replied, shrugging my shoulders as I flicked my perfectly straightened dark hair over my shoulder. With a glance of my heavy layered make up in the mirror I blew a kiss in his direction and opened the door.

  “Har… Johnny asked you a question. Just answer it,” Elijah said appearing from behind the door, holding onto its part-opened position.

  “It’s nothing to do with you!” I yelled back, sliding between the narrow opening, and running up the path.

  “Har… HARLOW!”

  I went to find the guys at the abandoned cave on the beach. I should’ve been bothered that I had caused them undue stress, but I wasn’t. I just craved the heavy weighted feeling to lift and to be a normal teenager for a night.

  My new obsessions–boys and late nights–drove Johnny and Elijah mad. They wanted to know where I had been. I wasn’t about to divulge my secret hideouts to them. I hadn’t cared, and to be honest, it had given me an opportunity to numb the pain. To not be the pitied orphan and just be me for once.

  I was running from the feelings that had started developing in my gut that I couldn’t explain. Ones I didn’t want to own up to whenever Elijah was around.

  Freedom was all I craved. To have an opportunity to prove I was capable of looking after myself; just like my mother and father had always pushed for me to do. I just needed to bide my time. I realised that making the plan was the easy part. If I ploughed through to achieve my goals, then I could bask in the glory of how hard I had worked for it.

  My head was constantly within my books. I revised at every given moment to get my grades up, hoping it would lead to something positive; an achievement of how far I had come in life. A merit to show to others of what you can do even when life is hard. I had planned to go to college, but things change, people change. It just meant I decided a re-evaluation of my goals was more important. The dream could still be a reality but when was another question entirely. I had to break free and prove that I wasn’t reliant on Elijah and Johnny.

  It was time I left my escapades in the past, laid down my roots and started my life. Life could have started again anywhere to be honest, but I wanted to be as far away as possible from those whitewashed buildings, the harbour and the memories that consumed my mind. A place where I could be me, unknown for being the orphan and looks of sympathy.

  I wanted that fresh start. Location wasn’t a factor that was high on the list as long as it was far away from Eastward.

  “Johnny, have you got a minute to talk?” I asked him on a rare night Elijah wasn’t around. It was the perfect opportunity; just the two of us. I had wondered if it was a selfish decision, but the time felt right. A chance for us to talk without feeling constantly observed or overlooked by anyone else. Time to breathe.

  “Of course, Harlow. Anything for you,” he said, with a shocked expression as he laid his arm around my shoulder.

  I walked us over to the sofa and sighed as I sat down, pulling his hands into mine and angling our knees closer. We had shared so many memories on this sofa, this was the right place to have this talk.

  “I’ve got a job, Johnny,” I said, keeping my eyes down and focused on my nervously bouncing feet as he squeezed my hand.

  “That’s good, isn’t it?” he questioned lowering his head whilst cocking his brow.

  “It’s not local, Johnny. I’m moving away. I’m really sorry, but I feel you and Elijah need your own lives away from the babysitting duties and I need some space to breathe. Johnny, you have always been here for me even when I’ve pushed you to the limits and caused you hell.

  “This place…” I said waving my arms around me. “It has so much meaning to me, but I still see them everywhere I look. I can’t forget, Johnny and I’m struggling to control my emotions.” Tears g
athered behind my lids, on the brink of falling.

  “I love you, but I need to grieve properly and nothing I do helps. The chance of a new start could be what I need to finally move forward rather than being stuck in this constant tornado I can’t escape.” Johnny’s ashen face dropped down towards the ground as he gave small barely visible nods.

  “I leave in the morning,” I said, needing to break the final barrier between us.

  Johnny immediately stood up and started pacing the length of the room.

  “Why?” he asked, the confusion in his voice thick and wary. “I… I can change if it’s something I’ve done. If it’s Elijah, tell me.”

  “No, it’s nothing you’ve done. Like I said, Johnny. I always wanted to stand tall and prove who I am. You have helped me become the person I am today and now I need to find the rest of me,” I concluded. I pulled him towards me for a hug, allowing his tears to soak through onto my shoulder. My gut churned with the guilt eating me up inside, but I knew I couldn’t show it. I couldn’t reveal how in some ways, being away from Elijah was also a positive in the equation. If I did, then come next week, I’d still be sat in my bedroom, no closer to taking those steps I required to move forward. This had to be done. I couldn’t be the person who had lost him the most important years of his life. His youth wasted on continuously watching me. I wouldn’t let it happen.